Episode Transcript
Quorum: The Messenger’s Tale
INTRODUCTION
HOST
Welcome to Jabberwocky Audio Theater.
HOST
This podcast is made possible by Tim Munson, a listener like you who’s backing us on Patreon — thank you. Visit our website at JabberAudio.com/support to learn more, or go to Patreon.com/TeamJabberwocky.
RATING ANNOUNCER
The following audio theater is rated AD-PG, so parental guidance is suggested.
ANNOUNCERLAND
MUSIC: THEME MUSIC BEGINS
ANNOUNCER
There has always been a gray area between the just and the unjust. The lawful and the lawless. A nebulous region where the trappings of authority share little crossover with the course of justice. And where those who attempt to shine light into the dark recesses of power are often the least expected.
(BEAT)
Washington, DC, September 2011. A city as renowned for pushing papers as for pushing deadlines. Where the machinery of American government fights tooth and nail against the encroachment of twenty-first century technology… clinging desperately to methods, communication styles, and entire industries rendered obsolete in the world beyond the Capital Beltway.
(BEAT)
Jabberwocky Audio Theater presents: Quorum: The Messenger’s Tale.
MUSIC: THEME MUSIC ENDS
GEORGETOWN STREETS
(CARS HONKING, MIXED WITH HEAVY RAIN AND WIND IN THE TREES)
SOUND: PEDALING, BICYCLE WHEELS TURNING
SOUND: PUDDLE SPLASHING
(THE FOLLOWING VOICE OVER IS DIFFERENTIATED FROM THE SURROUNDING ACTION, DELIVERED IN NARRATIVE FASHION.)
SWIPE (V.O.)
Adrenaline’s a powerful drug. Oh, there’s ways to mimic the real deal — sports, games… hell, watching a scary movie. But nothing competes with getting right up to the edge of danger, taking your life in your hands playing chicken with two-ton hunks of glass and steel.
SOUND: CELL PHONE RINGING, PICKUP
(SWIPE IS CONFIDENT, ENERGETIC, NO-NONSENSE; A BIT ROUGH, BUT MOSTLY CHEERFUL AND FRIENDLY)
SWIPE
Needed to hear my voice again, Manny?
MANNY
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
Swipe, tell me you’re there.
SWIPE
Pulling up now. You doubt me?
MANNY
Just thinking about their deadline. Need you at the Hart office building by five. Past four-thirty now.
SWIPE
You promise them that delivery time?
MANNY
You know me better than that. But I may have… implied it. Be nice if you could keep ’em happy.
SWIPE
Ye of little faith.
MANNY
Could’ve given this to Spider. Still fastest guy I got on call. Sure you’d be happy with that.
SWIPE
Fighting words, Manny. Spider’s fast, but you know how reckless he is. Not to mention a world-class asshat. In this weather? Even odds son of a bitch tanks the job, either from plain idiocy or straight out of spite.
MANNY
Yertle’s sitting right here. Sure he’d have been happy to take it.
SWIPE
Slow and steady. Love him, but not winning any races.
YERTLE
(DISTANT, ON PHONE)
Old but bold, baby!
MANNY
But no, I said to myself, “Self, Swipe’s a dedicated rider. She deserves this one. Give it to her.”
SWIPE
You’re all heart, Manny. And a little schizophrenia.
MANNY
So says my shrink. Sure I can’t convince you to stay on? Another week or two? I need riders like you.
SWIPE
You ask today, in this storm? Not making a great case. For the fiftieth time, this is my last run. Really think you can out-argue Angela? Tomorrow, you’re back to your He-Man Women-Haters Club.
MANNY
All right, all right. Had to try. My livelihood we’re talking about.
SWIPE
Just have the money ready when I get back, Manny.
YERTLE
Told you weren’t smart to short-change dependability. Time it takes to get these newbies up to speed —
MANNY
And you’re sitting in here ’stead of out there.
YERTLE
Seriously? You seen it out there?
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SOUND: BICYCLE STOPPING
SOUND: BICYCLE CHAIN LOCK
SWIPE (V.O.)
Comes a time things change — you and the world — and you have to deal with the idea nothing lasts forever.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS RUNNING UP STAIRS
SOUND: DOORBELL
SWIPE
Pickup. Speedy DC Couriers.
SOUND: DOOR OPENING
(MELISSA IS YOUNG AND EAGER, A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN TRUE BELIEVER)
MELISSA
You’re the messenger?
SWIPE
Here I thought the outfit gave it away.
MELISSA
Right. Sorry. Um, can you hang on just a minute? They’re almost ready.
SWIPE
Ah… sure, I guess.
MELISSA
Thanks. Come on in. I thought they were done, but it’s just… they’re trying to make sure they’ve got everything right. Don’t get another shot at this.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ENTERING
TOWNHOUSE – INSIDE FOYER
(VOICES REVERBERATE IN A LARGE ENTRY HALL, WORKERS BUSTLING IN THE BACKGROUND)
SOUND: DOOR CLOSING
MELISSA
Do you need a towel or anything?
SWIPE
I’m cool. Just be getting wet again anyway. I’ll just stay here by the door. Don’t want to drip on anything.
MELISSA
Oh, that’s fine.
(YAWNING)
I’m sure it’ll just be another minute.
SWIPE
Long day?
MELISSA
Long day, followed by a long night, and another long day. Been up since… maybe six yesterday morning?
SWIPE
What do you guys do, you don’t mind me asking? Didn’t see a business sign on the house outside, but you look… professional.
MELISSA
Oh, we’re just… we’re workers. For Mary Lucas’s campaign. Or… I’m not sure if we’re officially a campaign yet. That’s… that’s why you’re here.
SWIPE
Tell me you’re not recruiting.
MELISSA
Oh, no. I just meant… well, I mean, if you want to join up, we could certainly use you, but…
SWIPE
Not today, thanks. Just trying to finish my last job.
MELISSA
I see. End of the day? Had enough of the weather?
SWIPE
End of the career. Literally my last courier job.
MELISSA
Is that… “congratulations” news or “sorry” news?
SWIPE
The first one. I’m getting married.
MELISSA
Oh, definitely congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?
SWIPE
Her name’s Angela.
MELISSA
Oh, I didn’t mean to assume… congratulations. Definitely, congratulations.
SWIPE
You said that already. But thanks.
MELISSA
But, just so you know, that’s one of the things we’re fighting for. If Senator Freeman continues to —
SWIPE
Ah, not why I’m here today.
MELISSA
Right, right. Well, I hope you have better weather than this. Is it soon?
SWIPE
Oh, we haven’t… we haven’t set an exact date yet. But… yeah, thanks.
MELISSA
So… I guess you might be getting out at the right time anyway. Can’t imagine there’ll be much demand for bike messengers for long. Email and all.
SWIPE
Spend more time delivering lunches or lost keys nowadays. But some things you still can’t do over email. Or I wouldn’t be here right now.
MELISSA
That’s government. Not that we planned this scramble. Senate candidacy forms need to be filed on paper with the Senate secretary. We did that months back. But Ryan just found some donation from an undeclared… never mind. Pure chance we caught it. Got a tip to go in and double-check the financial declarations. Someone’s looking out for us. Anyway, revisions to those paper forms need to be on paper as well, so here we are.
SWIPE
So… not to push, but how are we doing on time? My dispatch said your deadline’s five o’clock?
MELISSA
Let me check… Ryan, how are we coming on that filing? The courier’s here!
RYAN
(DISTANT)
Had to reprint — Mary noticed a problem on page four.
MELISSA
That’s why she’s in charge. Really, it’ll just be another minute.
SWIPE
Officially, we don’t guarantee delivery time. But… right now we should still be copacetic.
MELISSA
I understand… and thanks. Oh, I’m Melissa.
SWIPE
Um… Swipe.
MELISSA
Swipe?
SWIPE
Kind of a nickname. It’s a biker thing.
MELISSA
So… are you a… thief? “Swiper, no swiping!”
SWIPE
What? Oh, no. The crew gave me the name five years back, and it kind of stuck. Thanks to this…
SOUND: CLOTHES RUSTLING
MELISSA
Ouch! That looks… painful.
SWIPE
It was. Road rash goes all down my left side. Onto my leg, too. Got sideswiped by an auto parts truck.
MELISSA
Wow, that’s… awful.
SWIPE
Occupational hazard. Took a while to get back on the job, but got a perfect delivery record since. Exactly five years today. Makes my last job extra special.
RYAN
(RUNNING IN)
Okay, here it is. All the Is dotted and Ts crossed. Honestly, I think we could have gone with the last version, but after that tip-off, Mary really wants to make sure there’s no chance —
MELISSA
Yeah, we don’t need the whole saga right now.
RYAN
Right. Sorry.
SOUND: PAPERS RUSTLING
SWIPE
Okay, the time is now… 4:37. If you can just sign here… and print your name underneath…
SOUND: SIGNING, PAPERS RUSTLING
MELISSA
Got it… Office of Public Records, 232 Hart Senate Office Building. And you can make it by five o’clock?
SOUND: MESSENGER BAG CLOSING, LATCHING
SWIPE
Once made it from the Watergate to the Government Publishing Office on North Capitol in eight minutes. Picked up the papers at 4:52 and made the GPO by the five o’clock deadline. This is a hair further, but I’m in the mood to go out with a bang.
MELISSA
And… you’ll be safe?
SOUND: DOOR OPENING
SWIPE
Package’ll get there on time. My bag’s waterproof.
MELISSA
That’s not really what I meant about —
SOUND: DOOR CLOSING
GEORGETOWN STREETS
(MORE RAIN, WITH OCCASIONAL THUNDERCLAPS)
SOUND: RUNNING DOWN STEPS
SOUND: BIKE CHAIN UNLOCKING
SWIPE (V.O.)
Twenty-three minutes to get from Georgetown to Capitol Hill, in afternoon DC traffic. In the pouring rain, sure, but still, no worries.
SOUND: JOGGING FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING
(FÄLSCHUNG SPEAKS QUICKLY AND AUTHORITATIVELY; ONE USED TO BEING OBEYED WITHOUT QUESTION.)
FÄLSCHUNG
Hey, hang on a sec! We need to make a change!
SWIPE
Another one?
FÄLSCHUNG
Huh? Oh, yeah. Another one.
SWIPE
Sorry, buddy. Love to help, but A, package has been accepted. Delivery clock’s running. Ain’t up to me.
FÄLSCHUNG
This is critical. If we don’t get it changed, then —
SWIPE
And B, even if I were allowed to stop, it wouldn’t be for some rando on the street.
FÄLSCHUNG
I’m the Lucas public outreach manager, Barry Fälschung. I’m hardly some —
SWIPE
I don’t know you from Adam. And you didn’t follow me from the office. Stepped out of that car there and ran up once I came out. Had your umbrella ready to go soon as you got out. Think I’m blind?
FÄLSCHUNG
I was out meeting with the DC Council. Just got back. Mary called to see if I could catch you —
SWIPE
Really? ’Cause your car was parked in that same spot when I got here. Don’t know what your deal is, but if you are legit, call dispatch with the number on your copy of the order and he’ll let me know.
FÄLSCHUNG
(ANGRILY)
Damn right I’ll call your dispatcher. You are gonna regret messing with —
SWIPE
Yeah, I’ll try real hard to worry.
SOUND: BICYCLE STARTING OFF
FÄLSCHUNG
(FADING IN THE DISTANCE)
Get back here, you…
SWIPE (V.O.)
Do this enough and you learn to spot the occasional goofball trying to BS his way into getting something they’re not supposed to. Anything from competitors to wannabe media snoops. If I had a dime every time… Well, I could buy coffee, anyway.
MUSIC: ACTION CUE
SWIPE (V.O.)
Okay. West on Dumbarton, then a straight shot down Pennsylvania, through Washington Circle, cut through Lafayette Square, on through Senate Park. Piece of cake. About four miles, all told. For me, ten minutes. Fifteen if I have to deal with flooding. Another five to get through security. Golden.
(MUSIC, BICYCLE PEDALING AND GENERAL TRAFFIC SOUNDS CONTINUE THROUGHOUT)
SOUND: CAR TIRES SCREECHING
SOUND: CAR ENGINE APPROACHING
SWIPE
(UNDER BREATH)
Seriously, this guy again?
SOUND: BIKE TIRES SKIDDING
SWIPE (V.O.)
Bozo must be pretty desperate. Stupid desperate to think he can catch me in that steel beast.
SOUND: BIKE JUMPING OVER CURB
SWIPE (V.O.)
Quick detour down the access road, and…
SOUND: SMALL CAR CRASH
SWIPE (V.O.)
Congrats, buddy. All you bought yourself’s an awkward chat with Metro PD and your insurance company.
SOUND: BIKE JUMPING OVER CURB
SWIPE (V.O.)
Not all about speed. More knowing the city backwards and forwards. Shortcuts, back alleys. And the right steed for your style. I’ve had a fixed-gear going on seven years. Single speed, no brakes, no coasting. Wheel motion tied to pedal motion, and vice versa. Takes work, but good for nimble city riding. Ain’t for everyone — seen more than one hipster noob do a three-sixty endo, right over the handlebars.
SOUND: PHONE RINGING, CONNECTING
MANNY
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
Tell me you’re well on your way.
SWIPE
Just kicked off. Relax, I’ll make it just fine.
MANNY
System says it’s a twenty-six minute ride.
SWIPE
Who you gonna trust? Me, or the computer?
MANNY
Hey, this is a high-end system.
YERTLE
(DISTANT, ON PHONE)
More like ass-end system.
SOUND: CAR HONKING
SOUND: BIKE JUMPING ONTO SIDEWALK
SWIPE
On your left!
GEORGETOWN RESIDENT
Hey, watch it, you damn psycho!
MANNY
I don’t want to know how you do it, just…
SWIPE
Talk to you once the job’s done, Manny. Just have my money ready after. Oh, heads-up, some half-baked street goon in a suit tried to snag the package on my way out. Could be he’s on the level, but I’d bet against it. But just in case you get a call. Which you won’t.
MANNY
I won’t hold my breath.
SWIPE
Wise man.
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SWIPE (V.O.)
This ain’t the job for you if you need external validation. Everyone hates us. Right up ’til they need us. Pretty much makes us perfect for this town.
SOUND: BIKE JUMPING OVER CURB
SOUND: CAR BRAKING
SWIPE (V.O.)
You can’t pretend it doesn’t get to you. Or that the complaints aren’t sometimes legit. In this job, you learn pretty early on to make… calculated risks about safety. But most times — really, just about all the time — it’s not like people are hurt. They just get startled when they see something unexpected.
SOUND: CAR HONKING
SOUND: BIG PUDDLE SPLASH
M STREET CROSSER
Whoa — the light says walk!
SWIPE (V.O.)
They get into their little routines, moving blindly ahead. Don’t like to be reminded there’s a wider world around them, where they’re not in control. Where sometimes, things just happen.
PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE
(BUSIER TRAFFIC SOUNDS — REGULAR WEAVING THROUGH CARS)
MUSIC: QUIETER CUE, BUT MAINTAINING ACTION BEAT
SWIPE (V.O.)
Mostly, people hate us ’cause we cut through it all. They’re stuck in traffic, waiting for the bus, packed into the Metro, and we get to glide past, free. So long as we can dodge wild lane-changes, crazy U-turns, and blind-opening car doors. And don’t choke on the crop dusters kicking up exhaust fumes.
SOUND: PHONE RINGING, PICKUP
SWIPE
Hey, babe.
(ANGELA IS EARNEST, A BIT EXCITED)
ANGELA
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
Hey, sweetie. Are you heading home?
SWIPE
Soon. Just finishing my last job, stopping to say adios to Manny, get paid, and I’ll be on my way.
ANGELA
You’re still working? I thought you were going to come home early. Jesus, it’s pouring out there.
SWIPE
It’s just one last run. Real rush. Manny needed me.
ANGELA
You don’t owe him anything. Is this about that record? Five years? You know that doesn’t mean —
SWIPE
Angie, honey, it’s no big deal. Seriously, deadline’s five o’clock anyway. And it won’t take me that long. I’ll be home by six. Tops.
ANGELA
Look, it’s just that I was counting on you to… I think we can get that venue up off of New York Avenue, but I wanted to get back to them today. They’re filling up, so I need to check on dates.
SWIPE
Angela… we have all the time in the world. Don’t need to rush… rush everything right now… Whoa!
SOUND: CAR HONKING
SOUND: PUDDLE SPLASH
ANGELA
I can tell you’re not really paying attention.
SWIPE
No, no. I’m fine. We can talk.
ANGELA
I can hear you’re in traffic right now.
SWIPE
I told you, I’m on a delivery. But it’s really no big. I can walk and chew gum at the same time.
ANGELA
No, we don’t… just call me when you have a chance to pull over. This just makes me all tense.
SWIPE
Angela, really, I can talk. I just…
SOUND: BIKE SWERVING
ANGELA
We’ll talk later, when you’re not distracted.
SWIPE
Angela…? Angela?
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
WASHINGTON CIRCLE
(THICKER CAR TRAFFIC, STARTING AND STOPPING, AS WELL AS PEDESTRIAN VOICES)
SOUND: MULTIPLE CARS HONKING
WEST END DRIVER
Damn lunatic! Gonna kill somebody!
SOUND: BIKE JUMPING CURB
COLLEGE STUDENT
Whoa, slow down!
SOUND: BIKE SLIDING TO A STOP
MUSIC: ACTION BEAT END
SOUND: PHONE DIALING
SOUND: PHONE RINGING, CONNECTING
ANGELA
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
Are you stopped?
SWIPE
Yes, I’m stopped.
ANGELA
Are you out of the rain?
SWIPE
No, but I’m soaked already anyway. Look, I’m… I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know we had to decide on the venue right away. Which one is this again?
ANGELA
Workshop 42. Up in Ivy City, near the old Hecht’s warehouse. I told you about it last week.
SWIPE
As one possibility. I didn’t think we’d settled on it. What about the Studio place on F?
ANGELA
That’s… we can’t really afford that one.
SWIPE
You mean I can’t afford it.
ANGELA
I don’t mean that. You know I don’t care about… you’re going to have plenty of opportunities.
SWIPE
Sure. Ten years riding a bike for a living, I’ll be in high demand.
ANGELA
Look, if this is really that big a deal, we’ll talk about it later. Forget about it.
SWIPE
(CURTLY)
I thought you wanted to talk now. Let’s talk. What weekends were you thinking about? I’m open.
ANGELA
I don’t want to fight.
SWIPE
Who’s fighting?
ANGELA
I don’t want this to be an afterthought. Something you’re just getting through to move on to what you really want to be doing. We’ll deal with this when we both want to. I’ll see you at home… whenever.
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SWIPE
Ah…
SOUND: BICYCLE KICKING OFF
SWIPE (V.O.)
I’m not being fair. Some things set me off; money’s one. Working ten-hour days for seventy-five bucks — on a good day. Ain’t exactly lucrative. Do the math and it’s under minimum wage, even before they raised it couple years back. Some days I come out with just twenty-five bucks to show.
PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE
(MORE ACTIVE WEAVING THROUGH CARS)
SWIPE (V.O.)
What that campaign kid said ain’t wrong. Business is dying. When I started, things were already tighter than the eighties and nineties. And soon as I got rolling, city went into high-security mode, made it worse. Used to be hundreds of couriers. Now there’s maybe one-fifty, tops.
SOUND: CAR HORN HONKING
DOWNTOWN DRIVER
We gave you a damn bike lane! Use it!
SWIPE (V.O.)
Funny the town’s all cycle crazy right when I’m getting out. They said the new bike lanes’d be awesome, but I saw trouble. Drivers hate — really hate — losing a whole lane, so they drive in ’em anyway. And the lanes are jammed with know-nothing wannabes on town bikes — suits dressed up, playing at being fit and green. Be back in their carbon cages soon as gas prices drop again.
SOUND: CARS HONKING
SWIPE (V.O.)
And with how bad DC parking is, nine times out of ten you run smack into some juggernaut blocking it anyways. I’ll stick to the main lanes. Shaved-down handlebars to slip between cars, I’m five by five.
SOUND: PHONE RINGING, PICKUP
SWIPE
You’re on with Swipe.
(ISA IS DIRECT, TO-THE-POINT; PERTURBED BUT NOT ANGRY)
ISA
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
You’re seriously still working? In this?
SWIPE
Um… Isa? I… yeah, I’m working. Why do you care?
ISA
Other than caring you don’t face-plant when some idiot sideswipes you again? Maybe ’cause Angela has, like, twelve people here at your place.
SWIPE
What are you on about?
ISA
Yeah, moron. This is a big day. She wanted to do something nice for you.
SWIPE
She… but I don’t want a party. I’m filthy.
ISA
You’re the one out in this mess.
SWIPE
I’d be filthy anyway, even on a regular day.
ISA
I don’t know her thinking. She wanted to do something fun. Memorable. She knows how tough this is for you, wants to show her appreciation.
SWIPE
Ah, damn. I didn’t… I didn’t know.
ISA
That’s the idea. She’ll kill me if she knows I’m telling you. I snuck to the bathroom. She’s trying to decide if we should wait or go home. I know this isn’t your thing, but it means a lot to her.
SWIPE
No, wait there. I’m on my last delivery. Soon as that’s done, I’ll head home. I’ll tell Manny I’ll swing by for the cash tomorrow instead.
ISA
I’ll do what I can. Ride quick.
SWIPE
Yeah. Thanks for the reality check.
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SWIPE
Well, crap.
SOUND: BIKE FAST APPROACHING
SOUND: BUMP
SOUND: BIKE CLATTERING, FALLING
SOUND: BIG SPLASH
SWIPE
Son of a… whoof!
SPIDER
(MOVING AWAY)
Too slow, bunny. No wonder you’re a washout.
SOUND: BIKE JUMPING CURB
SOUND: PEOPLE FALLING
DOWNTOWN PEDESTRIAN
(DISTANT)
Jesus — what the hell?
SPIDER
(DISTANT)
Shoulda got out the way, jackass.
SOUND: PICKING BIKE UP
SWIPE (V.O.)
Mostly, cycle couriers are a tight-knit crew. Swapping war stories in Farragut Park or outside Eddie’s Pizza on Vermont. Then there’s bastards like Spider — pricks who get off on pissing everyone off.
MUSIC: ACTION CUE
SOUND: BIKE KICKING OFF
SWIPE (V.O.)
Any regular job, he’d be kicked to the curb, but he is fast. Lets people overlook a lot, especially in a high-testosterone line like this. Hell, maybe three women couriers in DC total. Whatever reason, Spider had it in for me from day one. Chances we’d cross paths now, of all days, were nil. Came out just to knock me down. Unless he was tailing me in this soup, he knew the job I was on, and figured the best route.
SOUND: PHONE DIALING, PICKUP
MANNY
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
You done already? Wow, you really did break —
SWIPE
Why the hell did you tell Spider about my job?
MANNY
What? No, why would you think I did that?
SWIPE
I don’t know, maybe the fact he happened to be lurking on my route, and happened to body-check me onto Pennsylvania Avenue asphalt.
MANNY
I swear, I didn’t… oh. Ah, damn, he came by earlier, asked if I had a tire patch. Might’ve seen the sheet on my desk when I went to check.
SWIPE
Thanks, Manny. Run a real airtight operation there.
YERTLE
(DISTANT, ON PHONE)
Picture of observational skill, this one.
MANNY
Yertle, what the hell are you still even doing —
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SWIPE (V.O.)
Still see Spider up ahead. Toying with me. Wants to see what I’ll do. Figures he can outrun me any time.
(BEAT)
Screw it. Bastard’s going down.
SOUND: BIKE ACCELERATING
SWIPE (V.O.)
Glad he didn’t jank my rims. Still, got to get lucky to catch the son of a bitch. He’ll hit a faster top speed on his road bike, but like I said, it’s not all about speed. Got more control on my fixie. Reason I beat his ass in the last alleycat race.
SOUND: CARS HONKING
SOUND: PUDDLE SPLASHING
SOUND: BIKE SKIDDING
SPIDER
(DISTANT)
Whoa! Hell, man!
SWIPE (V.O.)
Hah. Like I thought. He can’t handle DC’s crappy drainage. Used to braking on dry pavement, now he’s losing control. No brakes means I don’t have that problem. Takes a lot to adjust to just using your own leg power, but I had years of practice.
SPIDER
Hey, whoa, Swipe. Ain’t nothin’ personal!
SWIPE
Kind of feels personal.
SOUND: TRUCK HONKING
SOUND: TIRES SKIDDING
SWIPE
Whoa!
SOUND: BIKE SLIDING, CRASHING
MUSIC: ACTION CUE ENDS
SPIDER
A for effort, but no follow-through. See ya never!
SOUND: BIKE ACCELERATING AWAY
SPIDER
(DISTANT)
The winner, and still undisputed champion…!
SOUND: PULLING UP OFF PAVEMENT
SWIPE
(SOFTLY)
Stupid, stupid, stupid…
TRUCK DRIVER
Serves you right, crazy bitch! Get a real job!
SOUND: WHEELING BIKE
SWIPE (V.O.)
Let that asshat get to me. Exactly what he wanted. Damn lucky to be alive right now. Might not be if my lid wasn’t buckled tight.
LAFAYETTE SQUARE
(TRAFFIC SOUNDS A BIT MORE SUBDUED)
SOUND: SPINNING WHEEL
SWIPE (V.O.)
Chain’s slipped. Rim’s bent, but probably still rideable, least for now. Lafayette Square’s still a good two miles, so halfway there. Yeah, I think it’ll make it. Seeing as the alternative’s to ask Manny for a fill-in — and only one rider I know is out in this crap and in the area. Not an option.
SOUND: RECONNECTING CHAIN
SWIPE (V.O.)
My own fault. Five years I been trying to prove my accident was a fluke. Truth is it was a warning. Play long enough, house wins. And I been lucky a long time. Any day I can get taken out. For good. Angela’s been sweet not to push, but I know it terrifies her.
SOUND: PHONE DIALING, RINGING, PICKUP
ANGELA
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
Honey, I said we can talk tonight.
SWIPE
No, listen. Angela. I’ve been… well, a total idiot.
ANGELA
Okay, now I’m listening.
SWIPE
I’m serious. You’ve been amazing. Giving me time to work through my… issues. And I just wanted to let you know how much… how much I appreciate it. Appreciate you. And then today’s been… well, it just reminded me of that. You know I love you…
ANGELA
And I love you too…
SWIPE
But I know I haven’t been putting that first. Us. Honestly, none of this crap matters. Not really. I been using it as an excuse to avoid dealing with… other things. Life decisions and stuff. Stuff that does matter.
ANGELA
Honey, you’ve been —
SWIPE
No, I haven’t. But that’s done. Tonight. Can’t promise I can do it all at once, or that I’m gonna be perfect here on out. But… I know what I have to work on. And I want to work on it.
ANGELA
I… thanks. That does mean a lot.
SWIPE
Look, I do have to drop off this last package, but then I’m coming straight home. And I promise we’ll take care of all the things I’ve been putting off. I love you, Angela.
ANGELA
I love you too, Marion.
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SOUND: BIKE KICKING OFF
SWIPE (V.O.)
Yeah, this is good. Will be good. Been on a roller coaster ’til now. Devil may care. But haven’t been moving forward. I see the irony in that. I’ve loved the rush, but I need to think about the future. Taste a new rush, from not knowing exactly what comes next. And I think I’m ready. Looking forward to it.
SOUND: MUSCLE CAR ENGINE ACCELERATING
SWIPE (V.O.)
Future’s in sight, and looking bright. Soon as I drop off this one last —
SOUND: CAR CRASH
SOUND: BODY CRACKING ON PAVEMENT
SOUND: CAR SPEEDING OFF
PASSER-BY 1
Oh my god, did you see that?
PASSER-BY 2
Did anyone get a license plate?
PASSER-BY 3
Is she… somebody call 911!
(CITY SOUNDS FADE)
MUSIC: TRANSITION MUSIC FADES IN
QUORUM COUNCIL CHAMBER
(THE SAME HEAVY REVERB AND MECHANICAL HUM WE’VE COME TO EXPECT FROM QUORUM HQ)
MUSIC: TRANSITION MUSIC FADES OUT
MR. KING
Ms. Rook. Do you have an update for this Quorum on the situation with Senator Freeman’s challenger?
MS. ROOK
Resolved, Mr. King. Mary Lucas’s candidacy has been… checked.
MR. KING
So… off the table?
MS. ROOK
Hobbled enough to no longer be of concern. She will no doubt mount a sufficient legal challenge to technically enter the race, but will not recover enough to be a significant threat.
MR. QUEEN
And how much did this little side venture cost?
MS. ROOK
I would hardly call this a “side venture,” Mr. Queen. In fact, I believe Mr. Bishop may have something to contribute in that regard.
MR. BISHOP
Our models indicate that Ms. Lucas’s unexpected ascendancy may be at least partially a result of… improvisational actions in the Las Vegas operation.
MS. ROOK
Your operation, Mr. Queen.
MR. KING
Let’s not get bogged down with recriminations. Ms. Knight, do you have a breakdown of costs?
MS. KNIGHT
Setting up the shell company to make the donation to Ms. Lucas’s campaign… The actual donation funds… Ensuring the donations remained hidden…
MR. QUEEN
Apparently not hidden enough…
MS. ROOK
Discovery was ultimately critical to our success.
MR. QUEEN
Better for discovery to have occurred after their potential for countering it had passed.
MS. ROOK
But the end result was the same.
MS. KNIGHT
And securing the operatives to complete the task. All told… expenditures were negligible. The final operative’s demands were a bit costlier than is standard in these cases…
MS. ROOK
I wouldn’t call them demands. A professional assessment of necessary equipment to reliably complete the task. The exact choice of vehicle was left open, but there were specific considerations that did incur some cost.
MR. QUEEN
And yet I am accused of taking unnecessary risks. You do realize our opposition very nearly succeeded.
MR. BISHOP
There is statistical variation even in the best of —
MS. ROOK
They did not succeed. I made sure the right pieces were in place to account for… variations. And fully expected that our first two attempts at intercept would likely fall short. Hence my willingness to expend effort to secure a reliable agent for the third.
MR. QUEEN
None of which would have been necessary had not the Lucas team been forewarned.
MS. ROOK
Forewarned? Are you implying that —
MR. KING
The mission was accomplished. Ultimately, that’s what matters. Ms. Rook, we appreciate your thoroughness. Before we close this out, was there any fallout? Any casualties we should concern ourselves with?
MS. ROOK
Nobody that anyone will miss.
MUSIC: DRAMATIC MUSIC CUE
ANNOUNCERLAND
MUSIC: CLOSING MUSIC BEGINS
ANNOUNCER
You’ve been listening to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. Tonight’s production: Quorum: The Messenger’s Tale. Produced by Jabberwocky Audio Theater, in association with WERA-LP: Radio Arlington, ninety-six point seven FM, Arlington, Virginia.
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Featured in the cast were Tara Garwood as Swipe, Sara Polton as Angela, Erin Rose Coughlan as Melissa, Greg Jones Ellis as Manny, Mike Bernal as Spider, Brianna Lux as Isa, Joel Snyder as Fälschung, Brooks Tegler as Yertle, and John Glasfeld as Ryan — with Pete Papageorge as Mr. King, Joel Snyder as Mr. Queen, Faith Potts as Ms. Rook, Anna Fitzgerald as Ms. Knight, Brian Crane as Mr. Bishop, and additional voices by Anna Coughlan, Erin Rose Coughlan, William R. Coughlan, Brian Crane, Kim Davenport, John Glasfeld, Brianna Lux, Bjorn Munson, Joel Snyder, and Brooks Tegler.
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Recorded at Arlington Independent Media, with supplemental recording at Tulgey Wood Studios in Springfield, Virginia, and at Tohubohu Productions in Burke, Virginia.
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Music by Three Man Soul Machine, The Mighty Heard, and Brooks Tegler. For specific music information, see our show notes at jabber audio dot com.
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Dialogue and sound effects editing, mastering and final mixing by William R. Coughlan. Production assistance by John Glasfeld. Casting services provided by Stonehenge Casting. Postproduction services provided by Tohubohu Productions, LLC. Special thanks to A Squared Adventures for providing game-mechanic consultation.
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This week’s episode was produced by Bjorn Munson, and written and directed by William R. Coughlan.
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This recording is the property of Team Jabberwocky, LLC, and may not be rebroadcast, retransmitted, or redistributed without express permission from Team J. The underlying content, including the script, story, and characters, remain the exclusive property of their owners and are used with permission.
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For all the latest episodes and information on Jabberwocky Audio Theater, visit jabber audio dot com.
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If you’re enjoying Quorum and the other yarns we spin at Jabberwocky Audio Theater, be sure to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or your podcast provider of choice. Check out our Patreon page at Patreon dot com slash Team Jabberwocky for exclusive content, and to help us continue to bring you further tales of mysterious suspense and high adventure.
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Until next time, this is Marsha Rehns, saying thanks for listening… and stay tuned for news on what’s coming up from Jabberwocky Audio Theater, including the return of Quorum with The Gambler’s Tale — “All That Glitters”!
MUSIC: CLOSING MUSIC ENDS
DUPONT CIRCLE
(TRAFFIC AND RAIN SOUNDS)
SOUND: BICYCLE RIDING
SOUND: CELL PHONE RINGING, PICKUP
SPIDER
Go for Spider.
MANNY
(FILTERED, ON PHONE)
Spider? Where are you?
SPIDER
Right now? Near Dupont. Whaddaya got?
MANNY
Well, we need to talk about professional boundaries. But right now you’re the only rider still out in this. Premium rush. Single pickup, but a few deliveries. Be a trek for you. Don’t stop here — I’ll fax ’em the order copies. But write these down, just to be sure.
SPIDER
My memory’s good.
YERTLE
(DISTANT, ON PHONE)
Regular elephant, that guy.
MANNY
Indulge me.
SOUND: BIKE SLIDING TO A STOP
SPIDER
Okay, fine. Be that way. Go ahead.
MANNY
You writing it down?
SPIDER
I’m writing it down!
MANNY
All right, pickup’s near you now. Camellirosa Industries, twelve-twenty-three Twentieth Street. Deliveries are… Penn Quarter, five-twenty Eighth Street. Law firm. Next down at four-fifteen L’Enfant Plaza. That’s government, so you’ll have security. And a residential drop, fifteen-oh-eight Thirteenth Street, just up from Logan Circle. You can do ’em in any order — whatever works. Figure it out. Then you can go dry off. And we’ll have that talk.
SPIDER
Just call me Mr. Reliable.
MANNY
Yeah, I’m not calling you that.
SOUND: PHONE DISCONNECTING
SOUND: BIKE KICKING OFF
CONCLUSION
HOST
Hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Text © William R. Coughlan, under license to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.