Episode Transcript
Rogue Tyger
“The Pilot,” Part 1
INTRODUCTION
HOST
Welcome to Jabberwocky Audio Theater.
RATING ANNOUNCER
The following audio theater is rated AD-G for general audiences.
ANNOUNCERLAND
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
ANNOUNCER
In a distant part of the galaxy from a far-flung future yet unwritten comes the adventures of a lone ship and her intrepid crew.
(BEAT)
Jabberwocky Audio Theater presents Rogue Tyger. Tonight’s episode: “The Pilot,” part one.
MARKET
(BACKGROUND WALLAH OF A BUSY INDOOR MARKET, THE VOICES IN MANY LANGUAGES ECHO IN THE GREAT CHAMBER)
SELLER ONE
(STAGGERED/SIMULTANEOUS)
Ini! Blick Blick, Petualangan!
SELLER TWO
(STAGGERED/SIMULTANEOUS)
Ohrs duhante kurunga. Kurunga sekali tran ganya chuchu bakanga, etc.
SELLER THREE
(STAGGERED/SIMULTANEOUS)
Par! Par! Par ge bis no etc.
FRUIT SELLER
Real fruit! Real! No cultures, no hydroponics. This was grown in good earth my friends.
(BEAT)
You sir, young sir, you look like a man with a fine eye. See my fresh pluots, these excellent kava berries. Surely there’s something to tickle your taste buds and tempt your palate?
AIDAN
Actually, um, I was looking for where they hire hands for the, uh, ships.
FRUIT SELLER
(PSHAW OF DISGUST)
Oh, come come boy. If you’ve never been to space, why go down that road now?
AIDAN
How did you know I’ve never been in space?
FRUIT SELLER
You don’t have the look of a spacer, friend: the gravity’s not slowing you down. Your skin has seen sunlight. Don’t waste yourself on the void.
AIDAN
I’m sorry, could you just point what end of the hall—?
FRUIT SELLER
Oh fine. That way, down that row of stalls to the right.
AIDAN
Thank you. I —
FRUIT SELLER
You’ll be missing this: real food. All the spacers do. It’s a hard life. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
(BACK TO WORK)
Fruit! Real fruit. No cultures! Grown right here groundside under natural sunlight…
(THE MARKET WALLAH RISES AS THE FRUIT SELLER’S CRIES FADE AND AIDAN WALKS AWAY. THEN, THE NATURE OF THE SOUND CHANGES FROM THE EXPANSIVE HALL AND CRIES OF SELLERS TO A WALLAH OF MORE SERIOUS, CONFIDENTIAL CONVERSATION OF A FEW DOZEN SHIP CAPTAINS. AN OCCASIONAL COLLEGIATE LAUGH IS HEARD THOUGH THERE ARE STILL JUST AS MANY ALIEN LANGUAGES.)
SPACER CONCLAVE
AIDAN
Excuse me, do you need a pilot?
SPACER CAPTAIN
(CHARACTER VOICE)
You?!? I don’t think so.
(BEAT, CHANGE OF WALLAH TO SHOW AIDAN MOVING)
AIDAN
Um, excuse me, sir or, um, ma’am?
ALIEN CAPTAIN
What?
AIDAN
Do you need a pilot?
ALIEN CAPTAIN
How do you think you can pilot my ship with only two arms?
(SPLUTTERS)
Human arrogance!
AIDAN
Ah, sorry…
(BEAT, CHANGE OF WALLAH TO SHOW AIDAN MOVING, THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION FADES IN.)
REG MACORUM
Yes, I’m sure the gear works just as well as you say. I just need my extra crew member and I’m hitting space.
AIDAN
Hey, um sir?
REG MACORUM
And what are you selling?
AIDAN
Do you need a pilot?
REG MACORUM
Ha! And you’re a veteran spacer.
AIDAN
I mean like a backup pilot for long runs.
REG MACORUM
Look kid, no one’s going to hand you the reins to the ship they’ve poured their sweat, blood, and monits into. Try the Navy. They have monits to burn.
AIDAN
(EDGE)
I don’t want to join the military.
REG MACORUM
Uh huh.
(BEAT)
Okay, so you a mechanic?
AIDAN
What?
REG MACORUM
I don’t need a pilot, but I do need another grease monkey.
AIDAN
I’m a good mechanic.
REG MACORUM
That so, Mr. Pilot? Well tell me this. What would you do if you discovered your coolant intake, standard Bearce intake, was clogged?
AIDAN
I’d take a good snake with a nanoscrubber attachment and clear the gunk out.
REG MACORUM
I guess they can’t afford the manuals out here in the sticks, because if you had those, you’d know they recommend flushing the whole system with a Bearce 47-series vacuum pump.
AIDAN
I read the manuals cover to cover, and yeah, if you want to spend too much money you can use the Bearce 47. Everyone knows it’s overkill. You’ll wear out your gaskets in a year. My way costs 15 minutes and a little sweat… or do you have money like the navy boys?
REG MACORUM
(CHUCKLES)
I guess you’ll see.
AIDAN
How’s that?
REG MACORUM
You’re hired. Come on, I wanted to leave port in two hours — looks like it’ll be 20 minutes.
SOUND: MACORUM BOOTS WALKING OFF
AIDAN
I’m hired?
REG MACORUM
Gotta keep up. We’ve got all the snakes and scrubbers you want. Never got around to getting that vacuum pump.
SPACEPORT DOCKING CAUSEWAY
(SPACER WALLAH HAS FADED COMPLETELY. TIGHTER, CONFINED SOUND OF HALLWAY)
REG MACORUM
So, what’s your name?
AIDAN
Uh, Aidan. Aidan Vosky.
REG MACORUM
Reg Macorum, ship’s captain.
AIDAN
Uh, thanks for hiring me sir. Which ship —?
REG MACORUM
There’s your answer Vosky. That is my measure of blood, sweat, and tears: the Tyger.
SOUND: MUSICAL FLOURISH
AIDAN
She’s beautiful. That’s an old Wessex design, isn’t it?
REG MACORUM
Good eye! It’s based on the old Interloper-class survey cruiser. We don’t have Wessex weapons, but she’s fast enough and nimble when we need it.
SOUND: AIRLOCK OPENS
REG MACORUM
Last chance to bail, kid.
AIDAN
I’m ready.
REG MACORUM
That’s what I thought.
SOUND: AIRLOCK CLOSES
TYGER CORRIDOR
(FOOTFALLS ARE NOW ON METAL, ADD AMBIENT SHIP HUM)
REG MACORUM
Welcome aboard.
ENLING
Captain!
REG MACORUM
Enling, how goes it?
ENLING
Tormar says cargo’s secure and we’re ready to launch.
(SEES AIDAN)
Is this —?
REG MACORUM
Aidan Vosky, our new mechanic. Get him squared away while I prep for take-off with Grainne.
SOUND: MACORUM BOOTS ON METAL CATWALK WALK OFF
ENLING
So, he decided you were our mechanic, eh?
AIDAN
That’s right, Mis…
ENLING
Doctor Shen Enling.
AIDAN
You’re the ship’s doctor?
ENLING
And occasional bottle washer. Come on. Knowing the captain, we’ll be under way soon.
SOUND: ENLING & AIDAN WALK ALONG THE CATWALK
AIDAN
Where are we going?
ENLING
We’ll stow your gear and introduce you to Tormar. He’ll need you soon enough.
AIDAN
Who’s —?
ENLING
Our engineer. And cargo officer. And the ship’s best poker player ’cause he cheats.
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR OPENING
TYGER CARGO HOLD
ENLING
Tormar! Everything peachy?
TORMAR
I assume you mean good, Doctor. Why can you not simply say “good?”
ENLING
Because that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR CLOSING.
TORMAR
(GRUNTS)
ENLING
I brought you our new mechanic. Aidan —
AIDAN
Vosky.
TORMAR
Why could the captain not get someone with more appendages?
AIDAN
Uh…
ENLING
You’ll have to take that up with him, Tormar. We can’t all be as multi-talented — and multi-faceted — as yourself.
TORMAR
I cannot tell if that is a compliment or a joke.
ENLING
Could be both.
TORMAR
Troublesome.
(GRUNTS)
In any case, I did not answer your first question. Things are not good, but they are acceptable.
(BEAT)
You. Mechanic Vosky, I will need your skills shortly.
AIDAN
Uh, okay.
TORMAR
Be here T plus 10.
AIDAN
Um…
ENLING
We’ll make sure he’s here. Come on, “Mechanic Vosky.”
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR OPENING.
ENLING
Don’t forget to strap in for launch, Tormar.
TORMAR
That is a joke.
ENLING
Indeed it is.
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR CLOSING
TYGER CORRIDOR
AIDAN
Look, I don’t mean to sound green, but —
ENLING
But you are green. I need to talk to the captain about you.
(BEAT)
Oh, take it easy, Vosky. “T plus 10” means be down here 10 minutes after launch when we’re in space. And let me guess, you’ve never met a Coutharian before, have you?
AIDAN
Is that what it is?
ENLING
Yes, and it’s a he.
AIDAN
He’s the second, um, person today who’s complained about my arms.
ENLING
Or lack thereof?
AIDAN
Yeah.
ENLING
Well, we sentients can’t all be bilaterally symmetrical and I think some species get jealous. Seriously, don’t let it get to you. Tormar thinks he does more than anyone else on this ship and that’s up here, not based on all those tentacles.
AIDAN
Speaking of “up here,’ uh, when I’m talking to him —
ENLING
Just make sure to make eye contact with the stalk turned closest to you. It’s usually the one that isn’t wriggling.
AIDAN
Thanks.
SOUND: ALERT SOUND
REG MACORUM
(INTERCOM)
Enling. Get yourselves tucked in. We’re about to go.
ENLING
Every time.
(BEAT)
Okay, let’s go.
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR OPENING
TYGER SICK BAY
(SLIGHT CHANGE IN THE AMBIENT TONE)
ENLING
Come on in, water’s fine — and since its the sick bay, it’s sterile. Take that chair on the far wall.
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR CLOSING.
AIDAN
Okay. Um, isn’t there a whole prelaunch procedure they need to do first?
SOUND: ENGINE STARTS UP
ENLING
Believe me, when the captain wants to get under way, we get under way fast — and the pilot —
SOUND: ALERT SOUND
GRAINNE
(INTERCOM)
You have about thirty seconds, Enling.
(THE ENGINE NOISE PICKS UP THROUGHOUT)
AIDAN
Who was that?
ENLING
The pilot, Grainne. I was going to say, she’s good at getting the ship ready for a speedy exit.
SOUND: GEAR CLIP/SEATBELT CLIP
ENLING
Okay, your bag’s secure, let me help you.
SOUND: GEAR CLIP/SEATBELT CLIP
AIDAN
I’m good.
ENLING
Wait a minute, you’ve been in space before?
AIDAN
I’ve done simulations.
SOUND: ALERT SOUND
GRAINNE
(INTERCOM)
Fifteen seconds.
ENLING
(DELIGHTED, LAUGHS)
Well, welcome to the real deal, Mr. Vosky.
SOUND: GEAR CLIP/SEATBELT CLIP
GRAINNE
(INTERCOM)
Counting down from ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one… launch.
(THE ENGINE SOUND GAINS ADDITIONAL THRUST MATCHED WITH A MUSICAL FLOURISH)
AIDAN
(AFFECTED)
Oh… my…
ENLING
This lasts until we clear atmo.
AIDAN
Kay…
ENLING
Don’t worry. Anything bad happens, you’re in the best place to get sick.
(THE ENGINE SOUND CHANGES THEN FADES INTO AMBIENT SOUND AS THE MUSICAL FLOURISH CONCLUDES)
AIDAN
So we’re in space now?
ENLING
Yup. In orbit for a spell before we go and make the jump.
SOUND: GEAR CLIP/SEATBELT CLIP UNDO
ENLING
The gravity gyros should be reset so you can walk around.
SOUND: GEAR CLIP/SEATBELT CLIP UNDO
AIDAN
Uh, maybe I’ll get up in a minute.
ENLING
Take your time. Tormar won’t be expecting you for another eight minutes or so.
SOUND: BULKHEAD DOOR OPENING
REG MACORUM
Everyone still conscious?
ENLING
Thanks to Grainne, not you.
REG MACORUM
I try.
(BEAT)
So, Vosky. You just going to sit there with work to be done?
AIDAN
No sir.
ENLING
Oh, he’s just being mean, Aidan. Don’t pay attention to him.
REG MACORUM
Excuse me, Doctor, are you now —
SOUND: ALERT SOUND
GRAINNE
(INTERCOM)
Captain! I need you up here.
SOUND: SWITCH CLICK
ENLING
Don’t be greedy, Grainne. We’re having a perfectly good power struggle down here.
GRAINNE
(INTERCOM)
Can’t oblige you this time, Enling. I’ve got a power play up here that the captain needs to see.
REG MACORUM
What do you mean, Grainne?
GRAINNE
(INTERCOM)
I mean we’re being followed captain–and by a crew that doesn’t look like they want to play nice.
(CLIFFHANGER MUSIC PLAYS)
ANNOUNCERLAND
(THEME MUSIC BEGINS)
ANNOUNCER
You’ve been listening to Rogue Tyger, episode one: “The Pilot,” part one of five.
(BEAT)
Rogue Tyger is a production of Jabberwocky Audio Theater in association with Arlington Independent Media and was transcribed in Deepest Springfield.
(BEAT)
Tonight’s episode featured the vocal talents of Bjorn Munson, Nick DePinto, Phil Amico, William R. Coughlan, Brooks Tegler, Yasmin Tuazon, and Erin Goldstein.
(BEAT)
Music was composed by John Maestri and arranged by Jason Chmiola, with final sound mixing by William R. Coughlan.
(BEAT)
And the episode was written and directed by Bjorn Munson.
(BEAT)
Visit our website, jabber audio dot com, for full show notes about all our wonderful cast and crew and other interesting details.
(BEAT)
This is William R. Coughlan, reminding you to join us next time for more Rogue Tyger.
(THEME MUSIC ENDS)
CONCLUSION
HOST
Hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Text © Bjorn Munson, under license to Jabberwocky Audio Theater. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission.